When you first start out in the world of entrepreneurship the thrill of freedom and excitement for innovation blows you away. Its like all of a sudden you have a thousand ideas, a billion skills and you’re a jack of all trades yet a master of none. You feel invincible, at least I did! Like there is nothing you can’t do or achieve. A superwoman. A go getter. A boss lady. Madam CEO and so much more.
Between October and December 2017 I have come to appreciate how important mental health is when it comes to this journey we choose to walk as entrepreneurs. I have to say that in my life I have always felt mentally strong and capable of withstanding even the most disastrous situations. I have always felt like I could handle anything, adapt, strategize and begin again. Like my ability to emotionally disengage was my strength as an entrepreneur. However, all this changed a few weeks after celebrating our first anniversary for one of my companies. Everything begun going down spiral. The businesses I have given my heart and soul were slipping away from me one at a time and there was nothing I could do to help. I felt trapped. Lost and broken into pieces. I started suffering from depression and anxiety. Every time the phone rung I panicked. It was bad news after bad news. Disappoints after disappoints. Endless nights of tears wrapped up alone in my bed. I developed a negative mind-set and the once happy and motivated soul became a girl lost of hope. A girl who didn’t know how to carry on with life. A girl lost and didn’t know whether to talk a bout it or shield everything in. The depression grew more and more with every disappointment that came my way, and the anxiety doubled. I sought joy and happiness in a box of wine. I was lost and felt emotionally and physically drained.
On new year’s eve I decided to stay in and go to bed early, to try out the usual new year new me jazz. To be more in control of my mind. To fight just a little longer. To have just a little bit of hope and faith. I told myself that I was ready! Ready to collect what I have worked for. Ready to embrace everything God has planned for me and ready to stand still and inspire someone else out there to never give up. The journey to recovery in business is hard and probably the most trying time of your entire life. It always seems easier to just walk away. You are never prepared for it no matter how much you predict and see it coming.
Talking about my challenges and the strength I have had to exhibit has made me appreciate my life a lot more. I feel blessed that I can have another chance to fight for my dreams. I feel positive when I think of what the future looks like now. I remain humbled and grateful for the friends, the team and family that have been there for me in this trying period. I have learnt a lot and I hope I can one day use it to inspire another person out there somewhere.